I don’t know how I’ll ever repay all the wonderful favours – notes of support, food, and shoulders to cry on that people have offered in the last few days. I really appreciate it. I’m also finding it very therapeutic to just write here for a little bit. Although, I warn you that I am not as strong as I sound in here. At the end of the day I come home and I’m just completely drained. I can hardly move. I was flipping through C’s files and found notes about me being very “teary” which was kind of funny. I am totally the teary NICU mom. I was teary after all my babies’ births, but obviously much more so this time. I don’t think I’m being overly dramatic in saying that the past week has been one of the hardest of my life. I hope that doesn’t sound self-pitying because overall my life is pretty good, but it’s really hard.
Bright moments of the day: B was looking at me today, wide awake, which was very sweet. And now the girls incubators are side-by-side, which means that tomorrow I may even get to double snuggle!
We had a conversation with the doctor that left me feeling a lot more hopeful today. But then I just came home and collapsed and got myself completely upset again. Sometimes I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up a week ago… or six months from now.