It’s a good thing the mind only has a limited capacity for worrying. I’ve spent so much time worrying over C that I forget sometimes about B. Which is funny because during the pregnancy I worried mainly about B, the smaller, underdog twin – the one whose water broke before she was even viable.
Thankfully, since B was born she has suffered only the “typical preemie” stuff – heart murmur, a low grade bleed that has resolved, and the occasional day where the monitors ring. But yesterday, B reminded me not to forget about her. I was holding her and suddenly the monitor rang, as it often does. Only this time, her oxygen dipped lower than I’ve ever seen it – it slipped into the 60s. The monitors normally rings if it goes below 86. We stopped her feed, repositioned her, suctioned her and it sloooowly came back up. Five minutes later it began ringing again, with red lights flashing. I looked down at her and she was completely ashen. She had lost all colour and her oxygen level was now in the 50s. You always hear that expression about someone turning blue, but I’d never seen it before. Two nurses rushed over and took her from my arms to revive her. She was probably only gray for a minute but it was a very, very long minute.
I left an hour later as it was close to 11, but I had quite a sleepless night. We never figured out quite what caused it, although my own instinct is that there was something awry with the feeding tube. It all happened shortly after she started feeding, then she recovered when they stopped the feed. When they restarted it, she got far worse. To be on the safe side the tube was replaced, her oxygen probe was changed and she was repositioned, and she tolerated the rest of the feed well (though I was too nervous to hold her again right away!)
Here she is snoozing after giving me a heart attack.
When I got home I said to J that I felt so guilty that I hadn’t worried as much about B when she is also so fragile. But crying twice as much doesn’t help anybody.
She had an uneventful day today, which is good. So after a week of status quo, they have decided to try weaning them off the breathing support again. I’m sure there will be some element of two steps forward, one step back, but fingers crossed.