Balance – sometimes I wonder if I’ll look back on this time and wonder how I did, or what a day looked like.
Yesterday was one of those kind of insane days where it felt like it didn’t stop: up in the morning, shower, eat breakfast J has made, feed the kids, dress the kids, pull out some meat to thaw for dinner, put on some rice, out the door with the kids, woops forgot turn off the rice, grab the kids’ lunches (made by J), back into the car and phew, at daycare 5 minutes later.
At daycare kiss the kids goodbye, wave out the window (our little ritual) and drive away. Park the car a few blocks away, walk to the train, hop on train and get to work 10 minutes later. Work, work, break for lunch, chat with colleagues, coffee, work, work, work. Hop on train, get to car, pick up kids (from inside because it’s raining.)
M is hungry when I get there so she feeds and I chat with our daycare provider and some mothers while P rides his bike around the courtyard. We get into the car, and stop at a boutique on the way home. Normally I would not attempt this EVER with two kids, but one of my favourite shops is closing in four days and it might be my last chance. So we all rush in and I hastily try on a few things and that while P runs like a madman around the (tiny) store and M leaves a flood of drool in the change room and then bonks her head on a mirror. Buy dress and necklace. P decides he wants a necklace and I try to foil him by saying we can share. He wears it home. (He’s still wearing it now; normally I’m not quite that indulgent but seeing a boy wearing a necklace is incredibly adorable. Have I mentioned I love this age?)
Get home – P plays in the sandbox just outside the kitchen door and M plays with P’s cars because P can’t see her from the sandbox. I madly assemble dinner (fish and rice, already cooked) and throw it in the oven for 20 minutes. Put away a load of laundry while dinner cooks. J gets home and we eat dinner together as a family. [Pause, deep breath.] Put the kids in the bath, read them stories, share a laugh on the bed, tickle them. Head out to a nearby park to work out with some other moms from my neighbourhood… come home, work again for a couple of hours. Damn, M is crying and awake at 10. Get her back down and back to work, then sleep. Wonder if she’ll get up again (she does… twice).
I wouldn’t say that’s a typical day because every week is different. Some days I pick the kids up, sometimes J does. I don’t always work in the evening – sometimes I even do fun stuff! J and I share dinner duties, and I won’t deny that I sometimes prefer the days I don’t get them, but come home to a nice warm dinner all ready instead of having to entertain cranky kids while I feed them.
Today was less crazy – take off early to go to a volunteer appreciation party with M (P stayed with Grandma), go to my mother’s place and eat delicious sushi, come home and read P a zillion books I ordered off Amazon and snuggle, blog with time left over.
And it helps that the work (work! work! work!), well, mostly I like it. It’s not easy to be away from my kids all day, but it’s not hard either… and it’s much easier when you’re actually doing something you like. It just is what it is – not a choice I really obsess about too much, I guess because I always planned to work. I loved both my maternity leaves so it feels a little wrong to admit this, but quite honestly I don’t spend a lot of time considering the alternatives. I think I could be happy at home too, but right now (and probably forever) this is what works for us… it’s crazy, hectic but fun.