A Good Day

Today was a good day. B has now weaned off her ventilator and has been hanging steady for a couple of days, breathing with just a little assistance. We’re thrilled about that.

beasnuggles

C had a good day too. After her lung issue, she had minor surgery, and was on morphine with a(nother!) tube coming out of her. As of today she is back off the ventilator, and the tube has been removed.

The bad news I referred to yesterday, was that we learned that she has had a significant brain bleed. When three neonatologists, including the head of the whole centre come to find you, you know it’s not good news. We don’t know when exactly, or why, or how, although in the 24 hours since we learned I have puzzled over all those questions over and over. It seems so horribly unfair, especially as this condition is extraordinarily rare in babies this far along. It’s not something we can see on observing her, nor will we understand what it means for months and months. She is an active and beautiful baby.

Understandably, this is pretty upsetting, especially with a million post-partum hormones flowing through me, but we are going to live in the moment and our hopes and goals are shifting but are ultimately the same. I remember reading a book once with a line about how a mother’s love goes where it is needed the most, and I’ve never felt that more than now.

Cora

And just for the record books – Dad’s first diaper change!

Diaperchange

5 Days Old

I wanted to come and write out my birth story and how that all happened and some of the moments of joy in the insanity. But as so often happens, events have overtaken things and last few days have been difficult. Cora, Twin A, just can’t seem to catch a break. Initially she was was doing well, but she has now been ventilated for several days, has had a lung collapse, and generally a tremendous amount of stress. We’re also in a bit of shock about other news we got about her, which I am not yet ready to talk about. I can’t wait until she is off some more of her tubes and I can hold her again. We keep thinking that maybe today will be the day, but so far we just don’t know.

Beautiful Beatrice, who was the twin who was ruptured for so long, is doing very well and when I called at 6 a.m., they said she’d had a great night. We anticipated her having lung problems due to PPROM, and she did at first, but she is holding her own and is breathing with just a little help, so we hope she keeps holding her own and wailing her little wee kitten cry at the nurses when she is annoyed.

What is tremendous is how much I love them both despite all the tubes and machines.